i’d give up everything i have to be pretty.
Hope and reality
As long as neither is aware of the other.
Now, no hope.
Just a buzzkilled buzz
An ugly suffering,
And a vague delusion of escape..
I am going to stop fucking up. Also, I love my boyfriend a sickening amount. That is all.
Boy: “They’re doing a whole wedding package on Groupon for a grand!”
Me: *Death stare*
Boy: “In Loch Lomond…”
Me: *Continues death stare*
Boy: “I can’t wait to put my finger in your ring!”
Me: “I’ll never be ready for that.”
Racing rage down freeway veins,
I feel the cold trigger, hugged by my index.
Any second now
Now. Boom. I’ve splattered your heart
On this God awful wallpaper.
And it’s about time too.
You really did go on and on
About everything that meant nothing to me.
I had no space and I am spaced out
Watching the lazy body bleeding so slowly.
How dare you be so sedentary
When I’ve done all I can to muster a reaction?
How can you be so quiet? Don’t you feel a thing?
I am so sad, I really don’t know what to do. It’s far from perfect, but maybe as close as I’ll get.
I just don’t know why people hide me. I have always felt everyone is ashamed to be seen with me. I am ashamed to be seen with me. It’s harder to leave everytime I have to go somewhere. Can’t I just curl up with no contact from anyone pretending to care about me or even love me and listen to The Smiths until I’m dead?
Morbid, I know, but that’s the most you’ll get from me right now.